updated list of (Jungian arche-)types of irritating professors

[notes: (1) Associate Professors lay in the middle of a sorites series starting with the stupid properties of Assistant Professors and then slowly shading into those characteristic of Fulls. Rather than present my controversial views about the semantics of vagueness, I just present the assorted dysfunctions below in terms of those characteristic of Assistants, Fulls, and both. (2) Faculty members have no monopoly on vileness in the university. See Philosophy Factory's excellent 'Traditional Post Complaining About My Students. In the near future I will do one of these for administrators. Enlightened self-interest combined with cowardice prevents me from even contemplating doing one for support staff. (3) If you are morally crapulent and boorish enough to be offended by this, then for your own spiritual well-being please, please read Kingsley Amis'  Lucky Jim, Michael Chabon's Wonder Boys, James Hynes' Publish and Perish, as well as the very fine books by David Lodge (start with Small World).  If we can't mock ourselves, then the terrorists have already won.]

Irritating Assistant Professors- 

1. (with input from phred)  Professor Knows-He's-A-Fraud-And-Implores-Jesus-That-No-One-Will-Figure-It-Out,
2. (from phred)  Professor I'm-Above-This-Place-And-Should-Be-At-Harvard,
3. Professor Rebel-Without-A-Clue,
4. (from Mark Silcox) Professor Only-Teaches-His-G**d***-Dissertation,
5. Professor Promising-Young-Man,
6. Professor Could-Teach-Well-But-Forced-To-Do-Submental-Things-To-Raise-Student-Evaluation-Numbers.

Irritating Full Professors- 

1. (with input from caltechgirl) Professor Combination-Of-Happy-Pills-And-Shock-Treatment-Improved-My-Personality
2. (spelling courtesy Mikhail Emilianov) Professor Couldabeena-contenda,
3. (from Knecht Ruprecht) Professor Exploits-Grad-Students-as-Cheap-Labor-in-his-Consulting-Business,
4. (with input from ricki) Professor Goes-To-Meetings-And-Has-One-Single-Agenda-That-Has-To-Be-Brought-Up-Every-G*****m-Time
5.  (from Mikhail Emilianov and rm) Professor I-Have-Five-Stories/Jokes-So-Get-Used-To-Hearing-Them-All-The-Time,
6. (from Jenna) Professor I-Have-A-PhD-So-I-Shouldn't-Have-To-Learn-Anything-New-Ever-Again. What-Do-You-Mean,-You-Don't-Support-WordStar-4.0-And-Windows-3.1? 
7. (from ricki) Professor I'm-THIS-Close-To-Retirement-So-I'm-Not-Even-Going-To-Try-Anymore
8. (with input from John Emerson)  Professor I've-Got-A-Nobel-Prize-So-Go-F***-Yourself,
9. (from LMC) Professor Leave-Me-Alone-I'm-In-The-Middle-Of-A-Bitter-Divorce
10. Professor Midlife-Crises,
11. Professor Old-Yellow-Notes,
12. Professor Refuses-To-Retire-Due-To-Some-Combination-Of-Dementia-And-Never-Ending-Scheme- To-Maximize-Lucrative-Baby-Boomer-Retirement-Plan-No-Longer-Available-To-Younger-Faculty
13. Professor Slum-Lord,
14. (from caltechgirl) Professor Tenure-Caused-My-Divorce,
15. (from Knecht Rupert) Professor Twenty-Graduate-Students-Do-All-My-Research,
16. (from redfoxtailshrub) Professor Used-To-Be-Cool-But-Now-Viewed-With-Knowing-Bemused-Looks,
17. Professor Uses-Tenure-To-Pursue-Hobbies-Or-Job-On-The-Side-Full-Time,
18. (from Mark Silcox) Professor Wishes-He-Was-Rich.

Irritating Professors That Could be Assistant or Full-

1. (from rm) Professor Complains-About-Working-Conditions,
2. Professor Doesn't-Read,
3. Professor Drunk-Pants,
4. Professor European-Accent
5. (from ricki) Professor Everyone-Is-Out-To-Get-Me
6. (from John Emerson) Professor I-Could-and-Sometimes-Do-Recite-This-Lecture-in-my-Sleep,
7. (from ricki) Professor I-Have-Family-Drama
8. (from ricki) Professor I-Want-All-The-Students-To-Like-Me,-So-I'm-Going-To-Give-Easy-Tests
9. (from soup biscuit) Professor Laughs-At-His-Own-Jokes,
10. (from rm) Professor My-Jokes-Aren't-Funny-But-They're-All-I-Have,
11. (from cryptic ned) Professor Only-Person-At-Tiny-College-To-Have-Ever-Published-A-Book-In-A-Printing-Of-More-Than-200,
12. (from LMC) Professor Oops-I-Lit-My-Hand-On-Fire
13. Professor Screws-Up-Even-Simple-Things-So-As-To-Get-Out-Of-Service-Work,
14. (from The Llama Butchers) Professor Seriously-Tardy-With-Grading-Papers-Because-He's-Blogging-on-Useless-Crap-All-The-Time
15. Professor Stared-Into-The-Void-And-The-Void-Stared-Back!-(Though-In-Reality-Void-Finds-Him-Distasteful),
16. (from caltechgirl) Professor Your-Life-Means-Less-Than-My-Experimentsi
17. (from Sifu Tweety) Professor Your-Work-Will-Never-Be-As-Important-As-Mine,
18. Professor Watches-Sports,
19. (from Rachel) Professor Wears-Clothes-With-Many-Holes-As-Though-That-Credentials-his-World-of-Ideas-ness.
20. (from ricki) Professor Who-Cares-What-The-Subject-Is?-Let's-Discuss-My-Politics
21. Professor Will-F***-Anything-Young-and-Naive-Enough-To-Admire-Him.

Comments

[Cala]

This one, at least, wasn't mine:
Professor Only-Person-At-Tiny-College-To-Have-Ever-Published-A-Book-In-A-Printing-Of-More-Than-200 (Cryptic Ned)
And this one:
Exploits-Grad-Students-as-Cheap-Labor-in-his-Consulting-Business (Knecht Ruprecht)

And the first two on the list are due to phred.

I am legion!

[Jon Cogburn]

Cala/Legion,

Is it fixed now?

Best,

Jon

[chuckles]

How about Professor My-Assumptions-are-Principles/Your-Assumptions-are-Naivete ? Most likely an aging variation of Full, besotted by French-fried jargon

[professor ingenue]

I and a few blogger colleagues have noticed that most of these professor types are gendered male. Should we as feminists be offended or relieved?

I can suggest a few:

Professor Neiman Marxist
Professor Foot-in-her-mouth
Professor Blabby East Coaster
Professor Should-be-retired-but-needs-to-pay-for-college-for-kids-from-third-marriage
Professor Misanthrope
Professor I-hate-you-because-you-went-to-an-Ivy-league-and-I-didn't

[professor ingenue]

Let me edit the second one:

Professor Foot-in-Mouth-Disease!

[professor ingenue]

(who is obviously an assistant professor. And yes, I am diagnosing myself!)

[Mark Silcox]

Here's a new one I just thought up: Professor Seems-Stupid-But-Is-Really-Just-Religious.

[Mark Silcox]

Here's a new one I just thought up: Professor Seems-Stupid-But-Is-Really-Just-Religious.

[Mark Silcox]

Here's a new one I just thought up: Professor Seems-Stupid-But-Is-Really-Just-Religious.

[KT]

Professor-I-Want-Students-To-Like-Me-So-I-Swear-And-Talk-About-Sex-In-Lectures

[KT]

Professor-I-Steal-Food-From-The-Department-Fridge

[KT]

Professor-I-Steal-Food-From-The-Department-Fridge

[Melissa]

Professor Distracted-By-Applying-For-Grants-That-Keep-This-Department-Afloat